Ah, Mother’s Day. It’s loaded for sure. Gifts, a card, a visit, fealty? Anger, regret, nostalgia, longing, grieving? We all were born of a human mother, but many of us were not really mothered. And many of us who were mothered may still be living with the scars, while others can look to their foundation with gratitude and love. As I understand it, Mother’s Day came about in the United States as a remembrance of sons lost in wars. There was poetry and commemorance, carnations and coverage of the sanctity of motherhood. But little about its’ reality.
My own relationship with my mother, as an adult, was complicated. She was absolutely wonderful with children, and not so much with adolescents and adults. She dealt with unresolved trauma in her own life in unhealthy ways, and I’m sad to say she died at a fairly young age. I wish it could have been different. I wish I could have had her longer, and healthier.
She tended roses in our side yard — roses that flourished despite the cacophony of weeds and weak soil and volunteer plants that sprung up and made up that small strip of earth. She also longed for lilacs, which our neighbors had, shooting their sweet perfume into the neighborhood riotously each Spring. My Mom tended what she had, but I know she longed for more.
Mothers worldwide have borne the brunt of this Pandemic: caring for children at home full-time, many working from home themselves, others desperately trying to keep food on the table and roofs overhead. Once again, this Pandemic reveals more of what we’ve been ignoring: that childcare, family support, a living wage and healthcare are essential if indeed we’re to live into any kind of spiritual or political dream. And, I continue to pray that it’s not just dream, but destiny.
I’d planned this Spring on planting more adventurous, or “edgy” or experimental and native plants in our landscape, but what called to me were lilacs and roses. Maybe it’s their heavenly fragrance, maybe it’s nostalgia, but I’d like to think it’s just one daughter, channeling the best of her Mother, and hopefully, growing gifts from, and for, the Earth. For Mothers, everywhere.