My own Spiritual Director, and many of my Spiritual Directors prior, had urged me to do some work on the Enneagram, so when a good Friend invited me to join her for a weekend workshop in the Shenandoah Valley, I did. Mostly for the time with her, but the workshop was illuminative. The time with her, as usual, was transcendent.
The Enneagram is a “sacred” tool for understanding self and others, and unlike the Myers Briggs Personality Test, it looks at motivations, not behaviors. On our introductory night, we were asked to consider what we did to get our mother’s attention when young, and to think of who we were in our 20’s. Taking the test that night, I wound up as a fairly clear “2.” Helper, connector, manipulator and nurturer. I hadn’t been warned that we’d be taking a look at our shadow sides, too.
Two’s, I was told, give what they need: love, acceptance, comfort, presence. Two’s seem to be selfless, but in reality, we need to be needed. What we’re really seeking is unconditional love, but we settle for appreciation. Two’s work hard at deep relationship, but expect a lot in return. We ain’t saints.
The scripture used to illustrate “our” behavior was the story of Jesus’ visit with Mary and Martha, a story that’s always incensed me. I mean really — if Martha hadn’t been about the work of hospitality, Jesus wouldn’t have eaten, and may not have ever visited again. My jury’s still out on who chose the better part.
I can, as we all can, be sometimes Mary, and sometimes Martha. We can be “Two’s” who waft into other categories, as leaders or artists, as challengers or romantics, as mavericks or mediators. I’m gravitating away from dualistic registration, and more toward wholistic integration — for myself, and all I’m in relationship with.
The weekend was a blessing: learning about self and others, precious time with a friend, and especially the mountain hike — alone — when the ridgeline and the scudding clouds, the moss and the cleansing wind all reminded me of how very small I am, and how very big and loving the universe is.